the Biryanchi Post—first draft
The Biryanchi بریانچی Post
“Announcing the Standard—
The Standard Biryanchi Meal”
I’ll get myself a new fridge for all the other stuff
Miriam O’Chaudhary, Mrs Fardia’s gori bahu says the Standard Biryanchi Meal is the best chicken, rice and spice she ever had—Mrs Farida is happy because she thinks the next generation is now saved from khasma nu khaanay burger
Mrs Farida has finally allowed her beloved bahu to stock the entire fridge with the Standard Biryanchi Meal—I’ll get myself a new fridge for all the other stuff—she said
Miriam has become the first Biryanchi Connoisseur of her circle after she shared the picture of the fridge to all her friends.
(Add a name plate and a rider delivering biryanchi)
Biryanchi saves the day again at Fareed’s
I always order Biryanchi when I have guests from abroad—they love it to bits and I don’t have to cook anything—remarked Mrs Fehmida
She has always been the smart one, the most saleeqa shuaar and always the first in adopting the brands—said Mrs Fehmida’s mother while chewing on her 90th helping of paan
Mujhay Bachpan se hi yaqeen tha meri ye bachchi bohot ooper jaye gee—she added
Nai naveeli dulhan can’t sleep until she’s had Biryanchi
Mrs Cheema’s youngest, happiest and most laadli bahu Emilia Ehsan, has developed her first “susral wali habit”—and it’s a delicious one—Biryanchi. She seems to crave it each evening and sleeps only after she’s had her daily fix.
My bahu is addicted to Biryanchi remarked Mrs Cheema—outrageous!—sab kaam khud karti thi mein jab nai dulhan thee—ye larkia to siraf thooons sakti heyn bas
Biryanchi has let us bond together as a family, It’s mine and Emilia’s comfort food—said Arwa, Emilia’s sister in law.
Super Mom loses 1.2 pounds after eating Biryanchi for 5 days in a row—rumors
—Mrs Ayaan, a resident of sector M, a proud member of the super mom club and an all around awesome person has become the first among her friends to discover this amazing effect of Biryanchi.
She thinks the change came when she let go of gluten in her diet and ate rice daily for 5 days—“During my journey of achieving this goal of epic proportions, Biryanchi has always been by my side, in my fridge and in my heart”—said Mrs Ayaan after stacking her fridge with12 Biryanchi Standard Meals.
Mrs Ayaan is the first Biryanchi Connoisseur of the super mom club.
—Back—
(Nanima’s face in a frame on top right with standard biraynchi meal in her hands like a trophy, picture of the coupe on the bottom right, handkerchief on the bottom right)
Nanima “travels in time” 3 seconds after she takes her first bite of Biryanchi
It was the best Biryanchi I had in my life in the train parlour on my way to Rawalpindi from Hyderabad Deccan said nanima after she took her first bite of Biryanchi—it was a journey across the entire subcontinent said nanima—I was travelling as the newlywed with your nana as we boarded our coupe at Deccan.
As we made our first stop in Rajhistan I had started getting hungry—as we crossed Multan we were served Biryanchi—upon inquiring, the chef told us—it’s been sitting on dum whence we left Deccan Ma’am—and this was the first time I tasted this heavenly chicken rice and spice—her eyes twinkling with love, her smile as broad as the horizon and her voice trembling with emotion like a volcano about to erupt.
Only now—after 50 long years have I tasted something as amazing as this—it was this day I became the Biryanchi Connoisseur of my circle—now bring me more Biryanchi she said—gently wiping tears of happiness with her famous nanima handkerchief—a brocade of crimson and gold.
Mahira discovers the Biryanchi glow—calls her Nutritionist bestie
Mahira Mustehsen, a resident of Sector A has discovered every time she has Biryanchi for dinner she wakes up a the next morning with a red glow about her rukh-e-anwar—to find out more about this beautiful phenomena—she called her nutritionist bestie Amber.
Hello Amber!
Hi Mahira!—Amber you wouldn’t believe what I found, the best chicken rice and spice on the earth and it’s giving me the glow. Really? Said Amber—What’s the brand called—asked Amber incredulously. The brand is Biryanchi and they deliver only in DHA 2 Amber, you’re going to have to come over to my place—Said Mahira—*1 hour later*—This better be the best Chicken Rice and Spice I’ve ever had in my life Mahira—It took me 40 minutes to get here all the way from the other side of the city—Said Amber
I kid you not Amber this really is the best chicken Biryanchi on the earth—Said Mahira.
As soon as Amber’s taste buds were met with the first bite of Biryanchi—the succulent texture, the rich umami and the depth of spices took her to a beautiful place—a place of early morning sunshine, freshly mown grass and and a clear blue sky—Amber was in culinary heaven.
Pour the thick Zeera Raita on your Biryanchi Amber—and take few slices of the full wholesome cucumber with your bite—Said Mahira
Amber poured the thick Zeera Raita on her Biryanchi with cucumber slices and took a bite—the crunchiness of the wholesome cucumber, the spice of the crushed green chillies and the tangy-creamy goodness of the thick Zeera Raita made Amber’a tastebuds go wild!
Mahira! Said Amber struggling to catch her breath—Why didn’t you tell me about Biryanchi earlier—remarked Amber—I think I’m already getting the glow Mahira.
*the next day*—Mahira! I got the glow, I got the glow, I got the glow! Amber’s voice was uncontrollably shaking with glee—See, I told you, said Mahira. It’s the plums, did you notice the pair of plums when you opened your Standard Biryanchi Meal? Said Amber—they’ve got so much iron in them which lets your body make red blood cells—it’s the plums which give you the glow Mahira.
(Add pics of raita)
Why the Standard Biryanchi Meal is served with One wholesome cucumber and two servings of thick Zeera Raita
Arwa Sugarcane, a resident of Sector A, is known in her circle as the Connoisseur of Haute taste, for her chic fashion sense and her sprezzatura is in love with Biryanchi.
The Standard Biryanchi Meal is always served with one wholesome cucumber and two servings of thick Zeera Raita— It makes for a crunchy experience, heightens the taste and keeps you hydrated all throughout the day. The potent mix of 12 secret spices of Biryanchi work best when you consume one wholesome cucumber with the Standard Biryanchi meal.
I’d expect no less from the best Chicken Biryanchi brand on the earth—and their cucumber and raita game is in a league of its own—what would I do if it wasn’t for the Standard Biryanchi Meal—Said Arwa
(Add trophy to the picture—Zain vs Behram tekken style with tournament tree map)
Gym goers debate whether Biryanchi makes a better pre or post workout meal—holds tournament
The local Gym erupted with debate this Thursday when rival groups challenged each other to a lifting tournament
Camp A is lead by Zain Zameendar who believes Biryanchi makes the best post-workout meal, while Camp B is lead by Behram Butt, who believes Biryanchi is a better pre-workout meal.
the 2 pc chicken in the Standard Biryanchi Meal contains more than 120 grams of protein which let’s your slow-twitch muscle fibres faster and prep you for the next day—Said Zameendar
It’s the best pre-workout meal because loading up the protein lets you push through on the farmers walk—Said Butt who is especially fond of the farmers walk.
During this tournament of epic proportions—each team will eat nothing but Biryanchi for the entire duration of the tournament.
The tournament is said to take place over a period of 5 days, where both the teams will compete on a 3 rep max of deadlifts, 3 rep max of squats and 5 laps of farmer’s walk from the mirror to the door—the names of the winning team will be added to the Gym’s wall of fame.
Busy Mom uses Biryanchi as bait to lure kids outdoors—ditches ‘nappy meal’
Mrs Afridi—a resident of sector C, is now at last is able to maintain healthy levels of screen time in her household, thanks to Biryanchi.
Her kids love it more than ‘nappy meal’, her husband loves it more than the ‘nappy meal’ and she loves it more than the nappy meal—because let’s face it—having the ‘nappy meal nuffets’, the ‘plain-wich’ and ‘potato shreds’ with your kids is not as satisfying as sharing the juicy chicken bite and the wholesome cucumber slice and the succulent rice of the Standard Biryanchi Meal.
plus each serving of the Standard Biryanchi Meal contains more than 120 grams of protein and 20 grams of probiotics—which is foundational for growing kids as well as their parents and their parents parents’
Now my kids play out in the sunshine because they get Biryanchi as a reward—this get’s them enough Vitamin D for the entire week which guarantees my kids are growing stronger bones—remarked a triumphant Mrs Afridi.
Momina Moves Meetings—streams Biryanchi over Zoom
(Give her ethnic jewellery, put on gangsta glasses, tag momina, and tag fire as meetings)
Momina Moiz, a resident of Sector E, an obsessive collector of ethnic jewellery and a category design specialist working remotely for(yet another) food delivery startup in central Europe subsidising groceries for Gen Z waiting for autonomous EVs, perpetual sunshine and the invention of cold fusion to save the day which has been happening in the next 5 years for 20 years now—has become the first person to stream Biryanchi over a Zoom call showing it off to her colleague Olivia on the other side of the earth.
I wish I could end my workday at 6PM you know, after the meeting I got the best sleep of my entire year because I took off at 5pm and did not expose my eyes to a screen for so long—Said Momina.
I’ve told my boss “ag laavan teyrian majbooriaan nu” 🔥—and I’ve moved all my meetings to daylight hours.
As a result of me taking this powerful step—I’m getting shinier, I’m staying hydrated all throughout the day and all the aunties are pestering my mom—she Said.
It’s the probiotics in Biryanchi, the one wholesome cucumber and the two servings of thick zeera raita—Biryanchi has become an essential in our household and the taste is heavenly—said Mrs Moiz, Momina’s mom.
Anushey finds herself eating Biryanchi with chapati in the wee hours of the night
(Picture of chapati and biryanchi)
It’s so tasty I couldn’t resist—said Anushey a resident of Sector A as she found herself munching on Biryanchi with chapati in the wee hours of the night.
You have to cut the Gluten Anushey, chapati is okay once in a fortnight. Haven’t I told you before, you can have all the Biryanchi you can eat without the chapati Anushey—said her mother indignantly after she found out.
Change spice level biryanchi to taste level biryanchi
Speak about the ingredients and standard same as you use in your home.
—Inside right—
Biryanchi becomes the first brand on earth to publish their own fictional newspaper—how the Biryanchi Post came to be.
(Airplane window with Biryanchi post and biryanchi standard meal)
As much as Biryanchi is a gastronomic contribution to the world, it is also a literary one in the form of the BiryanchiPost which serves the key purpose—introducing the reader with Biryanchi, a rediscovered category of Subcontinental Fast Food.
How the Biryanchi post came about
The Biryanchi post is an exercise in category design, a cultural reference for historians in times to come and a piece of advertising history.
It is a philosophical reduction of the sum of branding knowledge I’ve absorbed from the great brand builders like Jobs, Knight, Ogilvy, Ferris, Godin, Sugarman and Sutherland.
Value creation is about identity—entirely. When your product or service allows the customer to amplify their own identity—you will inspire them to do great things—and this is where value is created.
In essence, all value creation is, inspiration—and inspiration allows us to do great things and make the world better than we found it.
The Biryanchi post is inspired by Ogilvy’s idea of pictures with story appeal—stories about great people in our lives—these stories inspire us to make better choices—do great things and live a great life.
The History of Biryanchi goes back 400 years—Biryanchi has been the culinary choice of adventurers, explorers and pioneers. These are the giants on shoulders of which we stand today—these are the people who inspire us—These are the great people who are still among us—and Biryanchi honours them.
the Father hitting the Gym to stay fit so his kids can have a healthy father—he’s a hero—and Biryanchi honours him.
The mother, she goes to every length possible to craft the perfect life for her kids—she’s a hero and Biryanchi honours her.
The daughter, she cares for her mother’s health and makes sure she eats what’s good for her health—she’s a hero and Biryanchi honours her.
The son who is home for dinner early so he can spend more time with his parents—he’s a hero and Biryanchi honours him.
The daughter in law who left her homeland 7 seas across the earth to live with a new family—all for love—she’s hero and Biryanchi honours her.
The mother in law—her bahu wonder why she’s telling her how to do things all the time—it’s out of love for her son—she wants of her son’s life to be as well cared for as she cared for him when he was a little baby—she’s a super hero and Biryanchi honours her.
The grandfather who gave it his all to make life easier for the coming generation—He’s a super hero—and Biryanchi honours him.
Biryanchi honours all of these great people—Biryanchi honours these pillars of our society—and this is what makes Biryanchi the best chicken Biryanchi on the earth.
How Biryanchi makes impact
Biryanchi creates value by inspiring the current generation of great people to do great things—a foundation Biryanchi shares with the handful of great brands like Apple and Nike.
Apple honours the creative people who innovate, who change things who see things differently by making for them the best personal computers on the earth—Biryanchi honours them by bringing them the best Chicken Biryanchi on the earth so they can be at their absolute best.
Nike honours great athletes who with their discipline and commitment inspire us to to be more athletic—Biryanchi honours them by bringing them the best Chicken Biryanchi on the earth so they can be at their best.
Biryanchi post is a vehicle encapsulating these stories. These are my stories, these are your stories, these are our stories.
That’s what the advertising business is all about—big ideas—Ogilvy.
The pictures and the stories inspire the great people reading them to do achieve even greater things—sometimes we tend to forget how great we are and all we need is a little inspiration to do great things.
The Biryanchi post is an Usman Gondal original—for more information visit usmangondal.com
Advertorial—
“the First and only Biryanchi brand on the earth.”
Dear Connoisseur,
I see the Biryanchi Post has reached your hands I trust all is well with you and your family—If you are reading this editorial, it means you want to hear more about the Biryanchi story—as it is, the first Biryanchi only brand on the earth. By receiving this, you have become a part of the first few, you have become a part of a culmination, you have become a part of culinary history—this is the story of Biryanchi—this is my story, this is your story, this is our story.
The Origins of Biryanchi
Nawab Mehboob Alam Khan of Hyderabad, the leading expert on the subject is of the opinion that Biryanchi started as “travel food” some 400 years—It was a time when people travelling in large groups riding animals like camels, horses, mules, donkeys and elephants needed an enjoyable way of making dinner. Early in the morning, they would marinate meat with yogurt, spices and layer it with rice in large pitchers—fastening the pitchers onto the animals. At sundown they put the pitchers on dum and made Biryanchi.
Rediscovering a 400 year old tradition
Biryanchi today builds on the same tradition—honouring the same brave travellers among them, soldiers, businesspeople and industrialists who travelled the earth for their loved ones to bring them honour, wealth and abundance—indicating the cultural strength of our society with shared actions.
Biryanchi is an homage, a culinary tribute and a culmination of this tradition—the tradition taking care of our loved ones—the tradition of honouring the pillars of our society. The tradition of loving for the community what we love for our own selves because everyone in the community is important—we are all connected
During the rediscovery of this culinary masterpiece, each step has been walked with care, every aspect examined with passion and every preparation complete with compassion.
Honouring the pillars of our society
Biryanchi honours the mother who raised the kids, Biryanchi honours the father who stood by the children, Biryanchi honours the husband who diligently keeps the house on firm ground, Biryanchi honours the grandfather, the grandmother and so on. This is Biryanchi.
Biryanchi makes impact by honouring great people, great inventors, great professionals and so forth by enabling them to eat extremely delicious and fully nutritious food—which enables them to live better lives—think better—and produce better. The impact is inordinate. Just like the impact of Apple is inordinate because it inspires creative people to do great things because it minimised decision fatigue.
Just like the impact of Nike is inordinate because it inspires people to be more athletic, which helps them exercise more, which keeps them healthy which results in inordinate benefits for their family, their work and the society.
Just like the Biryanchi impact is inordinate because it inspires people to eat better, which improves their health which results in inordinate benefits for their family, their work and the society. This way, Biryanchi safeguards, builds and carries the torch of this amazing cuisine invented by the great people of our society yesterday—who accomplished great things—and rediscovers this culinary masterpiece enjoyed by the heroes of yesterday to the heroes of today.
Biryanchi allows people to enjoy great food and remain in peak mental and physical condition, which allows them make the world an even better place. This is the net positive experience at the heart of all value creation and the impact is inordinate.
The same approach which allowed Apple and Nike to give to the world amazing experiences—experiences which result in people creating a better world. Biryanchi enables people do great things.
This is also how Apple makes impact
This is also how Nike makes impact
This is how biryanchi makes an impact—this is the Biryanchi promise
Why the Biryanchi operating hours are 10 to 6
this makes sure we bring you the same amazing texture, taste and experience everyday—So you the Connoisseur can eat it for brunch when you like, have it for lunch as you like and get it early for dinner when you like—because we know you like to be early for dinner.
Delivery Area marked on the map with Biryanchi Takeaway marked (done needs finishing) (the best chicken biryanchi on the earth as a tag on the top right corner of the map and biryanchi rooster repeating pattern)
—inside left—
How to order Biryanchi using WhatsApp—the only way you are able to order Biryanchi before the Biryanchi App goes live on the AppStore (done)—remove the price in chat
Tic tac toe (winner winner Biryanchi dinner to the left)
5 day Gluten Free challenge (template with marked areas for date)
Make a notes dump with gluten free days
Gluten Free Days
- Boiled rice with butter
- Home made pulao
- Boiled rice with kebab
- Fried Rice
- Standard Biryanchi Meal
On the Earth Entire, the Best Biryanchi hence, the Biryanchi Poem
The chicken and the rice
And the spice very nice
Took my breath away
So I had it again twice
Biryanchi is an emotion
Like a pheasant, in motion
Like the moon among the stars
Like the shore across the ocean
For the Connoisseur, an addiction
For the uninitiated, mere fiction
Full of juices and spices
Such vivid depiction
Made with such compassion
in a hearty fashion
Is hard to find elsewhere
The Biryanchi, the passion
A preparation most intense
Of taste, immense
On the earth entire
The best Biryanchi, hence
What is biryanchi—biryanchi is a culinary contribution to the world—it is a rich taste, it is a wild emotion, it is addictive food. Built upon the recipe perfected by travellers over hundreds of years with a secret mix of 12 herbs and spices most potent and with ingredients most succulent, biryanchi is—truly a work of at, an experience most intense, an addiction of the Connoisseur.
All characters appearing in this advert are fictional and any similarity to any person is entirely coincidental.
BiryanchiPost is an original work by Usman Gondal
Add straps to the spine of the newspaper and at other places where it makes sense
About the author: the Author is a serial entrepreneur based in Islamabad and the Founder of Biryanchi
Dimension 12.5×7.75
Eventhough Apple is slowly becoming a thing of yore after the introduction of things like the touch bar and now the island—intentionally designed to cause decision fatigue—the very thing Jobs spent cleansing the Apple ecosystem of—perhaps the ‘consultants’ have finally convinced Tim Cook that they’re worked in 3D bananas.
Usman Gondal 